It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize