We won't sleep together?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
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