i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
