finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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