I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
