I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize