i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
