I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize