sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
