what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize