you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
