you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
