Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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