I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
