i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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