I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
