i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
