i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
