best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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