Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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