Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it hurts more in the daytime
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
