Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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