tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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