at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
