I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
