how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
