I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
