oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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