Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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