is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
