I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
