@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
