how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
