It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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