Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
