Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
