i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
