Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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