Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I understand Curling. That high.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
