The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
