if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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