hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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