I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
