It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
