I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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