Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
