the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
