My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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