She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
