Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
