We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize