He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
