Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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