I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
