I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
