New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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