Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
