Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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