ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize