Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
