So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
