You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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