I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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