id be glad to
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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