I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize