before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
