why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
