I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Boobs speak an international language.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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