Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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