Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
