A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
