Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
