I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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