So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
