i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
