Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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